Just Decide Already

It all leads to the same place.

If you never had to make a tough decision again, would it lessen the quality of your life? If you could turn back the hands of time and re-choose your choices, would it serve you in the long run? Does the famed and extremely comforting idea of “keeping our options open” actually provide us with any solace?

The ideas behind these questions were spurred from an article a friend shared on Facebook.  It focuses on the idea that reversible decisions are less conducive to happiness than decisions we stand behind. The article touches on psychosomatic concepts describing how the mind can adapt to any given situation, making the present situation the best possible outcome. On the other hand, keeping your options open creates an endless query of uncertainty. This unknowable outcome produces stress, distraction, and ultimately unhappiness.

Deciding to not to decide is one of the worst decisions to make. I know this from experience.

My life circa summer 2009.

The mother lode of life-altering choices came to me just after graduating college in Southern California. I had been in a ridiculously long-distance relationship with a woman from halfway across the world. For most of my entire senior year, I was hell bent on leaving everything I ever knew behind and transforming myself into an Argentine. As the months drew closer and summer approached, I crossed paths with an old fling that never really took off. Well, needless to say, it began to take off.

I was stuck in the middle of two roads and time was running out. On top of this, I felt horrible. I tried to deny the problem and enjoy the moment, but behind every action, was a thousand pounds of guilt. I will never understand how men can be proud of cheating. Anyways that is another story.

I had a decision to make. I could clearly see down each path and they were as opposite as day and night. To make matters worse, I decided to keep both doors open as long as I could. I would have been better off trying to eat soup with a fork. Not only was I unsuccessful, but I had changed my mind about 100 times a day. The stress was building and I could no longer decipher what I actually wanted. I felt responsible for the lives of three people, and I was blowing it on every account.

Not exactly effective.

It finally began to be too much, to the point of breaking down. I didn’t remember who I was. I felt like I had a growing lump of coal burning a whole through my stomach. I knew I was afraid to leave my family and the life I had known for years, so I decided to stay in California.

As soon as I made this decision, the weight lifted. I became a new born soul, ready to live up to my choice. I had not an ounce of proof that the choice I made was correct, but I had all the time in the world to prove it. Within the first two weeks, I had already chosen to see how beautiful my life was going to be and how unfitting it would have been had I chosen the other direction. My mind was adapting to my new reality.

The choices in life do not matter as much as we lead our selves to believe. Surely, there are some decisions where a definite yes or no is understood, but in the more ambiguous choices, the most important factor is commitment. Once committed, we can begin to fulfill our decisions.

The part that we most often do not understand is that the illusion of choice—the idea that one path will lead us to something different than the other—holds us back from moving forward. In any given decision, the outcome will equate to the same result. This may be difficult to understand, especially in the example I have given between Argentina and California, but when you decide to change the focus from the decision at hand to the person deciding, a different story unfolds.

Oh the choices!

Although the choices may look different, the one deciding them is the same. Any decision made will reflect the state of the person deciding. So whether I choose to move to Argentina or stay in California, I will attract exactly what I am already attracting. This is not to say that once I have lived in either place I will not have different experiences, but in the moment of choice, either decision will bring forth the same exact result. The choice at hand is a product of who I was in the past. In this light, the decision has already been made.

It is not choosing the correct path that is required, but choosing a path. All paths are correct. This is the same concept behind spirituality. Every spiritual practice is valid. There are infinite ways to reach Enlightenment/God/Satori/etc. It is not the path you choose, but the fervor for which you traverse it.

So choose. And stay committed. Don’t look back and steady on. The path you are on is correct because you are on it. There is no judgement, only progression or stagnation. Move forward and you will reach your goal.

The key to happiness is commitment.

Unlock the door.

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More than a Dream

Thought I would try something a bit different this post.  Kind of a stream of consciousness writing style.  Hope you enjoy.

Wow. Immediately my vision was overlaid with an energetic grid of perfectly spaced packets of energy only centimeters apart.  I could still see the room, but that quickly changed.  From the bottom right I was pulled into the pattern.  The pattern intensified.  Geometrically complex.  Infinite shape and color, vibrating and pulsating, evolving, changing, morphing, turning, creating, destroying.  It was everything. I had the intuition that this was what I’ve been searching for. Its undeniable familiarity was like coming home.  I knew I’d been here before.  I knew its nature.  I was the geometrical pattern, the never ending pattern.  It was constantly changing but always the same.  In a constant state of unfoldment.

Little Packets of Energy

The feeling was indescribable. Bliss. More than bliss. Letting go never felts like this before. Fear lost its hold almost instantly. I could come in and out, remembering life. I fiddled with the idea a couple times, but found more pleasure in forgetting it.  I weaved my way into the quilt, and found my way back out, following the individual thread of me.  But the infinite was what I came here to find.  I kept trying to hold on to things but remember saying, “everything you’ve done has been to see this, so let go. Be.”  And I would be.  I could have stayed forever, but I knew I had to be on Earth.  Each time I came back to the pattern I burst into laughter.  “It’s all for play!”  I would remember all over again.  It must have been a thousand times.  It is all for play.  Fear revealed itself as love.  I could only laugh.  We are so intricate in our creation, we fool even ourselves.

The noise was like a crystal.  It was fractal, if that makes any sense.  The clearest, cleanest noise I had ever heard.  It would break flawlessly and send me into the infinite pattern.  My body, the idea of me and everything I have experienced, locked into the design and shattered.  The pieces melted into the background and everything changed.  I could weave, I could see the weave of my life.  It was so insignificant in comparison.  Life really was nothing.  Just for fun, entertainment.  Its boring without it.  All of it is our choice and even the “bad” is for kicks.

A goddess brought me home, with gifts of pure love.  Stretched out on the bed, I laughed.  It was all so simple now.  Minutes and millennia passed.  I was eternal.  I was temporal.

Then I woke up.

Freeform flow. Expressed through dream

“Stop weaving and see how the pattern improves”

~Rumi

Good Vibrations

Music has always been a large part of my life.  I rarely go a day without it.  As I have grown, the music I listen to has changed to mirror my life.  I had phases of lip-pierced punk rock rebellion, dashboard confessed depressions, “thugged out” gangster rap imitations, melancholic indie rock existentialism, irresponsible electronic recklessness, and now an eclectic mix of whatever just makes me happy.  I’ve noticed that each genre paralleled my existence.

As I created a certain vibration, I was given that identical vibration in the form of music.  Hence, my ipod was literally playing my consciousness on a loop.  This vibratory replication applies to much more than music.  The vibrations one creates echo back the entire reality one experiences.  For instance, a continually negative person experiences a negative reality where his or her day is consumed by defeatist, antipathetic events.  The same vibratory replication applies to the converse situation of the positive person experiencing a positive reality filled with joy, enthusiasm and beneficial events.  What one vibrates determines everything.

And it is just that which is important.  The control to change or reinforce a situation lies within ourselves.  Many people look to outside occurrences for inspiration to change.  Many people blame exterior events for the circumstances they have created.  It is of great draw to the ignorant to denounce control beyond one’s ability.  When referring to life, the term autopilot is incomprehensible for one is always in control.  Understanding change comes from within means that regardless of circumstances, one always has a choice.

We control our reality through our vibrations.  What is a vibration?  It starts with a thought, echoes into speech, and reverberates into action.  Vibration is birthed out of intent.  Intention is what determines the type of vibration one emits.  Good intention merits a “good vibration” and visa versa.  Intention is what guides our reality.

What is most incredible about vibrations is that they can reinforce the production of similar vibrations.  The more one commits to a certain output, the more easily one will continue to create that output.  The fruits of a vibration, whether positive or negative, support the existence of that same vibration.  This is good news because the more one vibrates positive, the easier it is to retain that positivity.

After realizing the music I was listening to was product of my consciousness, I started wondering what else was I affecting on a daily basis.  My dog? My plants? My girlfriend, coworkers, friends, television programs, clothes, attitude, speech?  The list is literally infinite as the entirety of creation is affected by our intentions.  So the next time you’re feeling down, remember there’s a whole universe ready to reciprocate.

PS The image above is referring to Dr. Masuru Emoto’s work on vibrations and water.  Take a look here.

New Mexico and Enlightenment?

Food and love.  Two intensely simple words I discovered within myself during an intense meditation at a yoga retreat in Espanola, New Mexico.  After intention, practice, and a lot of listening, I understood what it was I wanted to do for the rest of my life.  Food and love.  This epiphany wasn’t accompanied by bright lights or sounding trumpets, but rather a very familiar and strong voice: my inner voice.  This is the voice that resides inside all of us.  The voice that is usually in an endless chatter, constantly making absolutely useless contributions to any sort of progress.

I was astonished.  Astonished not because I received an answer, but rather that I had accepted the answer I had already known.  I realized at that moment – and even now as I am typing this entry – that the answers to our lives’ largest questions have already been given, already been recorded. In many cases we are already achieving the answers without even the slightest inkling of their comprehension.  It had been I who was blocking myself from understanding what I wanted to do with my life.

This experience in New Mexico taught me that I already know everything there is to know.  I have access to every question I want answered.  Call it the collective consciousness, the unified field, heaven, bliss, enlightenment, the soul, Jesus, Mary, or Joseph.  Call it whatever you like.  Millions of names and references all address the same thing.  This thing resides inside everyone human being and everyone can access it.  It is not whether one knows something, but rather what one can realize.

If I have access to everything there is to know, why don’t I know everything?  My answer to this has come through meditations.  Repeated meditations that is.  The more I meditate, the more my mind can perceive.  I become more intuitive, more in sync with my surroundings.  I am calm and flowing.  Think of if this way, the balance in my life is always existent whether I am balanced or not, meditation just allows me to rediscover how to find it.  There are many other positive benefits from repeated spiritual practice (Understand that meditation is but one of the endless ways to attain increased awareness and consciousness), but all stem from increasing my capacity to access the inner pool of knowledge.  As I meditate more, I physically and mentally lose blocks that impede my relationship with the field of pure consciousness.  In other words, the more dedication and practice, the more I allow myself to receive information and the more knowledge I realize.

The information is there.  It always has been and always will be.  No new information can be created, it can only be discovered.